time passes so slowly that it makes me feel so frustrated
i dont know what i want. i dont know what i exactly want in a relationship. i feel so horrible of myself to be torturing the people i love. why do i hurt the people i love most. and it's the one i loved most that i hurt most. i feel so sick of myself that i totally dont wish to face anybody. why do i suddenly have such thoughts. these feelings just come rushing into my heart and mind that make me feel so lousy. i cannot do anything right. and i feel that everything is not right. i am feeling paranoid. i think i have always been a paranoid freak. i give so much stress to the people around me, dont i?
it's a horrible time i am having now. with nobody talking to me and nobody to talk to. i have this crazy thought in me that i feel like killing myself. i hate having stupid thoughts that may lead me to doing regretful things. i hate myself now for being so crazy. i am a terrible girl. i cannot name any good points about myself. i cant even be good for a day for someone's birthday. i torture people like i dont give a shit. feel so horribly miserable. why cant i kick away my habit of giving attitudes to the people around me when i dont feel right. why do i get angry this way. i would rather i was someone with no temper. someone weak and dumb who doesnt even know how to get angry over the utmost thing.
maybe i should go to sleep. i hope sleeping works. i want a dream-less sleep.
